Through the Water and Grass

I'm trying to set up this elaborate thing where my last posts title was an adaption of "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and this time I was inspired by "Through the Fire and Flames"  by DragonForce. Also, Kairi, I just realised where I got that idea from. Whoops.

Möllav Kosk, Ainus Mis Puudub on Sähvivad Tuled ja Muusika

I have a feeling that these are just going to get worse from now on but nevermind that. Myllykoski. 

You might notice an improvement in picture quality. That would be because my sister finally got herself a new camera (I sort of managed to break that pink potato. THROUGH NO FAULT OF MY OWN!!)

"Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Impanema goes walking..."

All height-related comments will be frowned upon until they spontaneously combust.

Since our wanderlust for that day hadn't yet been satisfied by that short waterfall-ogling (Fine, my wanderlust) we also took a quick trip to Tuusula. At that point I had already pretty much gotten used to the Mac-Subway-Hes diet thing we had got going on.

I'm not sure if it was later that evening or whatever, but we rescued a toad from a water pipe thing place. I'd love to show you the whole story in amusing pictures but I have a feeling my sister would pee on all the things I love so here's just a picture of the toad.

You gotta agree, for a leaf-frog or whatever, that's one hell of a toad. 

Also! Daschund-butts!

-Kels 

Bikeride in heaven.

So I was lazy some weeks ago and stopped posting about my Awesome Finnish Adventures. Now I'm going to try and make up for that grave mistake by making a bunch of posts all at once. In order of how the events went down.

HEUREKA! The Theory of Gravitation is Just a Theory, After All!

Can you tell that I'm trying to make witty headings for my posts? Yeah, sorry about that.

Anyway, my sister took me to the Awesomest Coolest Most Heavenly Place Of All, Heureka. I'm not even exaggerating, it was absolutely awesometastic.

Of course perhaps we shouldn't have been allowed inside, seeing as we got lost trying to find the GINORMOUS BUILDING RIGHT BEHIND US that we couldn't see. I mean the arrows showing the way were far too inocent-looking, there's no way we could have taken their advice. No we had to run around like headless chicken. Khm.

Thankfully, after scratching our heads and circling around some big factory a couple of times, we managed to find the GINORMOUS BUILDING RIGHT BEHIND US.

Practically invisible, innit?

Standing in line for 20 minutes just to get tickets was already worth it when we entered the first exhibition about global warming.

Why yes, your eyes are not deceiving you, I'm in wellies because the entire exhibition was in water. And there was a giant melting ice cube there, too. (I'm linking some pictures as to not make my blog unbearably slow)

Having seen that awesome awesomeness (and already heard the first family speaking in Estonian) we barreled on to the world 20X0 (Awesome typo on the home page of heureka: "20X0 - reis tulevikku  8.10.2011-27.1.12012" An exhibition that lasts for 10,000 years? Fancy...)

Basically, there we found out how eco-friendly we were and how we would fare in the elusive futureee. I did pretty well, my sister would totally be kicked out, though.

Then I met some friendly(ish) dinosaurs.

Some of which were cleverly hidden from mere mortal's eyesight.

But all was well in the end, seeing as I got to try my hand out at paleontology (I'm following an archaeologist on my tumblr and GEESH, do they make a big deal out of the difference between archaeology and paleontology. I totally see where they're coming from but still...)

By the way, how awesome is the planetarium from outside? Sorry that I'm forcing you to do lots of clicking and opening links, but otherwise your computer wouldn't load my blog so I'm thinking I've got my priorities straight. 

I'm going to spare you the details of the main exhibition, because if you've ever been to either Heureka itself, Ahhaa or some similar exhibition place then you know exactly what the main part of it is about. However I'm just going to boast a bit:

That's how high the bikeride thing is. I'll let you judge the height of the thing for yourself, I'm really shit at this.

Oh yeah, that's me. And just to prove that I didn't chicken out at the last second:

Although that thing was built so that kids much tinyer than me could ride it too, so riding it was awkward as fuck. But what an adrenaline rush!

We also watched a 25-minute movie about the stars and planets around us. Basically laying down in the planetarium and having the screen be almost 360 degrees above and around you is an absolutely amazing (if a bit nauseating) experience. And hearing the audio double (the original in finnish and a special translation in the earbuds in english) wasn't even as annoying as I thought it would be. 

Also! I'm a midget:

And that thing in my hand is my souvenir from the gift shop. The awesome mug with dissappearing dinos.

That should happily conclude the Heureka tour, I hope. 

-Kels

Hallowed are my awesome boobs!

So my dear delusional Kairi and I were watching stargate and she tried to make me think that I look like Morena Baccarin. In the process of proving her wrong I got a little carried away and might have proven her right. Whoops. At least I have incentive to post to my blog now.

I found three pictures of Morena as Adria and tried to recreate them. The second one is ever-so-fancy. And by the way, even after putting lots of effort into it (I fucking curled my hair for the first picture !!) I DO NOT look like her. Point proven? No? Take a closer look at the pictures then.
Kelly Does Not In Any Way Resemble Adria From Stargate.

'Dis issue settled now?
Goooooood.

I will not waste any more of this night by using my motivation to make lots of new blog posts and schedule them to publish every 24 hours or so. Should keep the blog alive for a little while, I hope.
Doodles!

-Morena
-Adria
-Kels

Adria: Would you care for a demonstration?

~Random Quote from Stargate SG1 "The Quest, Part 1"

SAD

This is going to be one of those not-really-happy posts but I think it's going to shed some light on that post from couple of months ago (the one that did not exist) and is also sort of a lesson on mental health problems.

I'm finally "coming out" with this because I think I sort of need to write it out to make sense of some stuff and I know that in a couple of months I will be too far gone again to be willing to actually discuss it. This is of course putting it on a much larger bell than strictly necessary but screw that, I can cover it up with lighthearted travel posts later. God knows there are so many that I've neglected to write.

Anyway. Have you guys heard of SAD? It is quite a stupid acronym for Seasonal Affective Disorder and in a nutshell what it means is that a person with (in my case relatively) normal mental health will experience the symptoms of depression in the winter months. It has something to do with how much light one gets during the winter vs how much light in the summer. Skimming over the wikipedia article there are some mentions of theories about it but really, nothing conclusive.

However I am really not that interested in the actual scientific side of it. The reality is that the shorter the days get, the moodier and eventually depressed I get. No, I haven't been to a psychologist. Frankly even if I could find one in this godforsaken town, I doubt I could ever open myself up enough for it to be useful. Perhaps I'm just unwilling to get better but I hate to dwell on that. Pessimism makes me self destructive.

It is too easy for someone who hasn't experienced this feeling to say that instead of being depressed I should "cheer up instead" or "when you feel sad, do something you like". But that's the entire point. If it were that easy, I wouldn't be trying to arrange these words on paper at the moment.
Because it is easy to say those things when you don't know the helpless feeling you get when you come home from school, feeling entirely spent. And maybe something bad happened that day. Because no matter how insignificant in the long run, at that moment you feel like the house of cards you have built to make yourself reach the light, just crumbles away from under your feet.
Sorry for being badly poetical but I'm trying to explain the feeling. You come home and that insignificant bad thing just feels like the end of the world and no amount of reasoning could possibly make you see it for what it really is. You just curl up somewhere and wonder to yourself: how can the world still be turning when I'm feeling so alone, so helpless? Why can't it just stop, I can't do this anymore, I want to get off this ride!
But the world doesn't stop. It keeps on going, whirring on around you so fast that everything is a blur. You feel your breathing getting faster and you can't even control that. Everything is just slipping away and crushing you under its weight. But the world doesn't stop and instead I have to go to bed in the evening where I get to be alone with my thoughts, trapped in my own self-hatred until sleep claims me.

And you see next day I have to go to school. I can't just explain to my teachers that my homework is undone because "I didn't feel like it". People often mistake depression for laziness and that just makes me sad. I want to take those people by the shoulders and shake them hard yelling "You don't know what it's like!" You don't know how it feels to be unable to do anything because what's the fucking point? I'm already a failure, how much worse can it get?
It is not a voluntary thought and a part of my mind knows that if I don't do stuff I need to do, it can and it will get much worse but when you're so far gone, you can't make yourself care anymore. You just want to make all the pain stop.

I'd hate to be a whiny teenager who keeps making up shit that maybe wrong with her to get attention. I'm sorry if that is how I come across. And maybe I am just making this up but then again, what kind of attention I'm really hoping to get from a blog that has all of two readers. I do apologise to Kairi and Bambs for I'm sure it's easier to think everything is alright. Specially when I've gone to such lengths just to make you guys think it's all nice and dandy but I can't anymore.

Perhaps for clarity's sake I should point out that this, for me, is nothing new. I've been having trouble with how winters treat me, since perhaps 6th or 7th grade. 8th grade was when shit hit the fan and I couldn't deal with it normally anymore. That's when the self-destructive part of me came out to play. I wish I could say that I'm learning to deal with it, but in reality I think I'm not learning at all. Winter 2012 was, in a way, harder on me than the previous ones. I don't really know why but it was anyway. Irrational, considering I'm finally sort of happy with where I am. Then again, nothing about depression is rational.

I know that seeing a friend in trouble is hard, specially if you know that there's nothing you can do. I do apologise for putting you in this position now but I can't help it. I need to put it out there even if it doesn't make anything better. At least I can come back to this post at some point and see if anything has changed. Maybe I get to be more open on my blog now although some things I can't talk about still. Some things are better kept for yourself because making them someone else's problem just isn't fair.  

PORNainen... porNAINEn ... PORN NAINEn. so... many... puns...

Again, funny place name aside (yes it's real, very real in fact.) go on, click on all the links. hehe.
While in finland I seem to have only ome primary purpose:

you'd think it gets easier once I moved but not really...

yes, the picture looks all grainy and ancient but that's because this is what I'm forced to take the pictures with. I refuse to call it a camera, it is barely a potato.

my old worn phone that I used to take this picture is just about as good as that... potato. I have no love for olympus in general.
But of course this is a sort of minor issue. My aunt and niece are coming for a visit tomorrow so I'm perhaps they are bringing their good actual camera and I can post some pictures that don't look like they were dragged through the darkest pits of the internet.
I don't have much new to talk about. The weather here has been very rainy, specially when we are outside walking the dogs.

I tried my hand at making sefiir (brownie points if you can tell me what it's called in english.) didn't turn out all that well...
Aand I guess for today, that's about it. Sorry!
-Kels

How to post comments.

STEP 1

So you are reading this post. Scroll down a little ways until you come to find the place where this post ends and next one starts. Difficulty level: 2

Okay. This done you should arrive on A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PAGE OHMYGOD WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?!

STEP 2

I know, I know. you are now staring at the computer all like

But if you just follow my illustrated guide, you'll be alright. I promise.

Anyhow this is where we get to the writing and revealing your identity (or not) part.

Difficulty level: 29184903274 (Naw, I'm just kidding it's fucking easy.)

So now you have successfully learned how to post a comment to my blog.

I bet that you are looking at a pretty tough question now: But why on earth should I waste 2 minutes of my life just to talk to you?

Well, here's my answer: 

Do you like hugs? Do you like brownies? Do you like fluffy kittens? 

If you post a comment to my blog today, you can get A VIRTUAL HUG, PICTURES OF BROWNIES AND VIDEOS ABOUT FLUFFY KITTENS. ALL OF THESE PRIZES ARE HANDMADE AND COMPLETELY FREE. BUT THAT IS NOT ALL! IN TRUE TOP SHOP NATURE IF YOU COMMENT NOW (yes, now, in a fucking year I'll have forgotten all about this post.) I WILL POST A PICTURE OF ME LOOKING LIKE THIS*:

Pinky promise. So go ahead and implement what you learned right now. please? :)

-Kels

*This offer is only valid if you are NOT  Kairi or Bambs.

Complete boredom

I haven't done this in a while. That is, writing a blog post for no other reason than complete and utter boredom.
Actually I do have some photos to share with you guys, I guess.
So my sister works quite late sometimes and therefore I have a lot of time to kill and therefore I decided to go walking a couple of times. I think I already have shared with you the breathtaking views of this neighborhood but here's a more recent picture anyway:

I walked quite a lot in one go. In fact I can show you my exact route, to make stalking and possibly murdering much, much easier:

I'm not sure how many kilometers that is but it sure felt like a lot...
That was my first adventure, the second one went a little like this:

Generally the same route, cept the second one has additional forestadventures.
Ohyeah, the forest adventures were awesome:

I swear to god, I saw that road in front of me and I realised that this is where I wanna stay. Of course the impending doom in the form of storm clouds was also heavy on my shoulders so I decided to hurry. First I saw this and thought I was absolutely fucked:

"I'll be completely drenched soon!!" I thought. But then I saw this:

And figured that fuck it, at least I'll be completely filled with blueberrys or whatever the fuck it is I'm shoving down my face. Doesn't matter, had food.

Also the view was absolutely fantastic and my shitty pictures don't do it justice at all.
I've also tried (and failed!) to cook, I take my sister and the dog walking every day for shorter walks and y'know. Life's good...

Aside from being bored as hell.
Anyway. Tomorrow I'll be cooking and packing and then I'm off to Pornainen. Yes. Funny name ha-ha. Let's just try to look past the funny and focus on the fact that I'll have brand new stuffs to share with you.
Also I hope that I won't forget to take pictures of the brownies I'm cooking tomorrow, just so I can rub all of your faces in the fact that I have brownies and you don't.

You know what? I'm a good person. So here's a 5 minute cup-brownie recipe that I haven't tried out yet but want to.

Here it is. Clicky-clicky.

No but seriously someone try this out and tell me if it's good. I'm curious.

-Kels

P.S: you know what would make my day? If someone new actually joined me and Kairi down in the comments section. It's right down there. You know where it says "comments"? Yeah, clicky that. Wait, lemme draw you a handy guide