Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Liveblogging: Lord of the Rings

I hate you, Kairi. I do, I really-really do.
Lord of the rings? Seriously? You couldn't have chosen something... oh I don't know... Shorter?
You may not remember but when I liveblogged sky high, I skipped at least a quarter of it.

So I'll just jump headfirst into this now that I've made it blatantly clear that I find this to be a waste of a perfectly good evening.

So it starts with some silhouettes on red and a very dramatic recollecting of how the rings were forged. My oh my.

And the master ring very dramatically gets transfered from one hero to another. hurrrr. durrrr.
The ring rapes? The dark lord captured the nine rings given to humans and turned them into ring rapes?
Two weirdos are out fishing and find the ring..
ohhai gollum.
Bilbooooo! You old party animal, you. Bwahahahaha, Frodo looks riddic.

I will hereby take a second to laugh at your no doubt befuddled expressions and point out that you never actually told me what movie it had to be. Just that it had to be lord of the rings. So leave it up to me to find the most obscure version of it ever created. A cartoon, no less.

This wasn't my intention, by the way. I didn't go out looking for a random version of lotr, I swear. I just happened on it and frankly it was too good to pass up on.

But back to the movie (which is 2 hours long anyhow so I probably won't miss much) where bilbo just dramatically disappeared in a very dramatic fashion leaving everyone confused. Dramatically.
Weeeell, maybe not *that* dramatically. This is a cartoon afterall.

heh, my precioussss...

Yes, as a tidbit over here, I shall clear up that the version I'm watching is the earliest adaption of the novels, an animation made in 1978 and it covers the first half of The Lord of the Rings.

But come on, this version is absolutely ADORKABLE

"Seventeen yööaars past sleepahly in the shire."
Yes, I absolutely love whoever is narrating this story. I do, I really do.

good lord, Frodo, your legs are hairy.
But then again the british accents make everything better.

Gandalf, y so drama?

Gandalf: One ring to rule them all; one ring to find them. One ring to keep them all, and in the darkness bind them! 

So I'm not exactly sure what happened while my computer decided to restart about 6 times in a row but it had something to do with two wizards and twinkly lights and now Frodo & CO are hiding under a tree while some hooded black thing vaguely looks like it might be moving but honestly it'd be better described as a standing seizure.

Red glowy eyes and all.

Well if that wasn't the weirdest thing ever.
Wow Sam, way to be inspirational and everything.

Ohlook, an animated drunken orgy.

//Good god, I'm only half an hour in.//

Yes, Frodo, great idea. Sing and dance on a table while trying to be anonymous and invisible. Really, great.

My name is aragorn, son of arathorn.

synchronised drama. are those dark riders or whatever the fuck going to burst into song and dance now?

Okay first of all. How old are those hobbit things? Cause they kind of act as if they were twelve but according to the narrator they have to be well over 17. 
Second of all: what th heck are those dark things attacking them+ they look like kangaroos with gas masks. geesh.

Kangaroos with gas masks and capes. 
Dramatic capeflinging action, wooden swordwielding and frodo dies. No? Darn.

It was an evil knife that struck him, Sam. As opposed to a good knife with happy intentions?


I must admit, I quite liked the Orlando Bloom version of you. Cept for the eyebrows. The eyebrows are freaky.

So now the enemy is a skull with two exhaust pipes. What even..?
this movie confuses me to no end. I also still can't figure out the names of the hobbits and what the fuck is going on with that ring. 
Has anyone ever considered declawing those black riders? Just a thought.

I like the horses though. They pretty.

I. Am. So. Confused.
Where did the elf and the Aragorn and the hobbitcult dissappear to? What?
Tha ringgggg, tha ringggggg...
Oooh, where did those horns come from?
Magical sparkly tidal wave? Wut?
So many questions...

Hellooo, Dumbeldore. Where did you come from? How can you just leave Hogwarts to speak gibberish to some hobbit? Where are your priorities, man?

Duuuude, second Dumbledore..?

bilbo, you old party dawg, you. Hiding out and having a good life? tsk.

I have no words... Stoned bilbo is stoned...

so if there's dumbledore, does that mean that the dark lord they keep referring to is voldemort? 
also, i'm already bored as fuck and therefore doubt at i will make it futrther than the beginining of the journey. An hour in, I give up.
Yes, you heard it.

It seems that I still don't like Lord of the Rings. Animated or not.
Goodday to you.

Looks like you are going to have to give me a new challenge for I have failed this one.



  1. Sorry, I've been too busy failing plant physiology (in which part of the cell are gibberellines synthesized and which enzyme catalyzes the reaction?) to comment sooner x)

    Anyway, /of course/ you didn't like it if you wathed it like THIS. Hell, even I couldn't handle two hours of cartoon-LotR. *fights the urge to say "bitch, please"*

    Half the charm of the movie comes from the pwnsome cast (and you just try to argue their pwnsomeness!) and the other half from the epic scenery, the epic music, the epic general build-up of the fictional world, the epic battle scenes, pretty much the epic epicness of the whole goddarn epic (and it IS an epic).

    Let me just remind you that the first movie won Oscars for best cinematography, music, special effects /and/ makeup. Plus another nine nominations. The third movie won frickin' ELEVEN Oscars. Don't you tell me that's not worth something.

    In all, I'm pretty much saying you /ARE/ going to watch it. With me. We'll just pick a night with three lovely free hours and have some LotR. It's been a while since I saw the first movie anyway :D

    As for this adorkable thing here, yup, it's adorkable, no denying that, but two hours of adorkable? No way I could take it. Would bore the hell out of anyone :D

    Your comments were lovely, by the way. The ring raiders (or ring rapes, as you like to call them) are actually the Nazgul (too big a word for a cartoon, most likely), which happen to be the black things with glowing red eyes trying to kill Frodo every step of the way. In the actual movie, by the way, the Nazgul are creepy as hell. As they're supposed to be u_u

    And you know, I have no idea who would win the ultimate baddie-out, Voldemort or Sauron. That would be one hell of a matchup :D

    Anyway, I'll conclude the overly long comment here. You... well, you just prepare yourself for that upcoming movienight ;) The new challenge will be delayed until then.

  2. Holy shizz.

    That's one heck of a comment. XD
    also it might be that the ring rapers were called Nazgul in the cartoon, too, but I just weren't paying attention so could have slipped my notice.

  3. I do hope you're taking this comment with full seriousness and will not deny me a lovely movienight with the epic epicness of the epic itself, Ian McKellen, Christopher Lee, Viggo Mortensen, Sean Bean and you.

    (Just try and not be flattered by the list I just chucked you in! :D)